Stealing to be Legalised

Stealing is to be legalised by the British Government, it emerged today. “We can’t keep the lid on this any longer,” admitted David Cameroon at a press conference, “it’s time to bring outdated legislation into line with the modern world and let the British public lead the way in ripping each other off with impunity”. In fact many commentators think that the government has been secretly testing the new policy for some time. Mark Steele, head of the UK’s 5 Star Movement (slogan: politicians are doing comedy all the time now, so let’s get comedians into politics) pointed to headlines like “Centrica bosses split £16m pay pot as customers face 6% gas price rise” (makes a change from Banksters bonuses at least), while at the other end of the spectrum the job centers now have fixed targets for how many customers they accuse of lying per day. “Cameroon’s just acknowledging what has been reality for some time,” said Steele, before popping into Harrod’s to steal himself a gross of quail’s eggs.